Hallelujah I'm 30!

You guys! Your girl is 30 TODAY!!!!

I have been looking forward to this day for a long time. My 20's were not that great. Actually they sucked, so moving on from that time, officially, is exciting!

I feel like the closer that I've become to being 30, my brain is just snapping into place. Its such a weird feeling, but I like it. I've wondered when I would get it together, and its been happening. And I say really adult phrases like “Hey! I’m saving up for a Kitchen-Aid mixer.” “What? You want to go to a movie at 9….. PM?” “Oh.. America’s Test Kitchen suggestion for the best sponge. How exciting!” “Is that a new stretch mark?” “I did a barre class today, and I think I tore my ACL!” “Oh babe, what insurance should we pick this year? Wow this deductible is so doable!” (insert face palm)

My 20's were so tough, because a lot of shit went down. I started my 20's as a super young bride, and than divorced a year later. That relationship was emotionally abusive, and as a young one with a developing brain, it did more damage than anticipated. I read so many self help books, and prayed and did therapy. And guess what.. Nothing worked! Why? I just wasn’t ready to heal.

Before 30, I was so STUPID! Ugh! Its embarrassing how dumb I was. I still had the mindset of, “I know what I’m doing. I don’t need your opinion.” And that closed off mindset stopped me from so much growth. It lead to years of suffering for no reason. I repeat, NO REASON!!! Years of agony, misery, victimhood, tears, stomach aches, confusion, anxiety, depression. All the sucky things because I was too stubborn and too stuck in my own head to ask for help. It took me, falling on my face and obliterating valuable relationships to realize that I was a mess. Thats what my 20’s were like for me. I refused to listen to kind words, encouragement, or advice. Its like a wall was in my ears running defense on years of helpful advice.

But now.. I'm ready. I have been doing therapy for over a year, but making the decision for that was another uphill battle. I had to admit to myself, ‘Dyanna, you need help. You need to invest in yourself’. The hard thing is growing in a way to be ready. If that makes any sense. I’m ready to heal and grow, but I have to now learn how to put those walls down. My arsenal of defensive techniques is vast, and believe me... I am an expert at pushing people away, and shutting out anything that sounds the least bit helpful. Its a knee jerk reaction that I need to pump the brakes on.

I don’t know what my 30's will bring. But I'm so excited!