Step 1….

When pursuing a goal or a dream, taking the first step is half the battle. Stepping off the ledge is so hard! And scary!

Before I started school, I was upset with my job, I felt stuck. And I can’t stand that feeling. So I thought, why do I feel this way? It’s because I didn’t like the way my future was shaping up. Where I work, lets just say it’s not a place where one aspires to be. You don’t dream of working in this place when you’re a little kid. Not that it’s a bad place to work, it’s been great for me and many others. But, it wasn’t for me. Working there was a smart decision. Good pay. Good hours. Medical benefits. It checked all the logical boxes.

However, I was miserable. I wasn’t doing anything that I was passionate about. I didn’t enjoy waking up every day because I knew I would be spend 8 hours shut inside. I was angry, and depressed, and felt like it was a dead end. I was wasting precious energy on a whole lot of nothing. So for months I mulled over different ideas of what I could do instead.

I finally settled on going back to school for nutrition. But.. It took me another 4 months after that to actually sign up for classes. Taking that first step is so hard! I was so terrified to jump and actually sign up for school. I thought about it, I talked about, I thought about it some more. A little insight into me, I have to psych myself up A LOT!! I never jump in without weighing pros and cons, how will I pay for it, time commitment, blah blah blah. All of it is excessively thought out. To the point of annoyance. I annoyed myself with how much thinking I was doing. Come on Dyanna, just freaking do it already.

I talked to a friend about school and she said be honest with yourself. What is your hesitation? There is a reason why you have anxiety or hesitation about it. Face those fears head on. And I did. Don’t worry, this was another week of thinking. I thought ok my biggest fear is money. Its going to cost a lot. My other fear is the time its going to take. And last but not least, failure. That was the big one. What if I fail?

Here's what I learned. I will only fail if I believe that I will fail. I have to be my biggest cheerleader. I cant wait for others to believe in me. I cant wait for someone else to cheer me on. I cant wait for approval from people that I think matter. Because they do not. I do! My will power and drive lies within me. If I want it, bad enough, I have to believe in me 100%.

I have had moments of doubt, and the second I do, its over. I feel completely helpless. I feel an overwhelming sense of loss, and that is because of my quick decision to stop believing. I notice a difference in my energy levels. They drop down to zero in a matter of seconds. I lose desire, I lose motivation, I lose my vision of the future. One little negative thought can derail me so fast. So its imperative that I’m always on my “A game”.

I will tell you, I have gained a ton of respect to those who seem to "have it all", guess how they got there? A lot of hard work!!! No one, and I mean no one, got to where they are without working their asses off! They have put in time, energy, probably money, sacrifice, and so much more! I am pumped to do whatever I can to keep moving forward. I will stay up late studying, and sacrifice social events. I am ok with that. I can envision what I want the end to look like. When that day comes, the social events will come back. The things I’m missing out on will come back, there are times to enjoy now. But I have my eyes on the prize, and I am moving forward!

Take the first step. You can do it.