Seeking Friends...

Now that I am legally considered an adult, (I don’t like to call myself that because growing up is for suckers) I imagined my life would look a little differently. I would have a house, friends, a job, kids, but so far, some of these things haven’t happened. Finding a really good friend is harder than I anticipated. I have my husband who is an awesome friend, but outside of that circle, the really good friends are few and far between.

I think that we as adults are in the same place. We don’t want to bug anyone with our problems. I thought once I reached 30 I would have it all figured out. I obviously don’t. Actually admitting that, is hard, and having someone who will love you despite your short comings is even harder. When I say having someone, I'm speaking about a friend outside of our significant others and possibly family.

I, however, find myself to be one of the lucky ones. I met a friend at work, and we found out that we have quite a bit in common. Our first interest was working out. We both enjoy torturing ourselves, so she invited me to go to a class and I said yes. That kicked off a whole new relationship. That workout turned into a weekend workout followed by brunch. That brunch led to us pouring our souls out to each other. She recommended a therapist (Amy), and since then we have become the best of friends.

I don’t use that word lightly either. When you're younger, the term "best friend" is set by others. My parents used to tell me that a friend that I played with everyday was my ‘best friend.’ They said my brothers were best friends. I never understood that term until it mattered. And now, I find it to be one of the highest honors.

This friend that I am talking about is one of the sweetest people you will ever meet. I can literally tell her anything, and I have. I can ask her what underwear I should be wearing for an outfit. I can be totally vulnerable with her. I can admit defeat, and fear. Everything that I can barely admit to myself, I know I can tell her. It’s a relationship that I have ached for, for as long as I can remember. The one person that you can pour your entire heart out to, and they will still hold you, love you, and accept you. Speaking about that kind of love and acceptance bring tears to my eyes.

It is so special, and sacred. I consider it one of my precious treasures. It’s a relationship that I want to nourish, and that I want to be present for. I want to be my best self so she can be happy as well. It is an odd thing to feel about someone that you are not physically intimate with. But it really has happened. I can tell her everything and nothing and for some reason…. Its enough. She just knows.

I didn’t believe in soul mates until I met her. It feels like once we met, my heart woke up, and I could finally be me. She helped create a safe space for me, and is teaching me self kindness. She is helping me understand her own philosophies and how she treats her self with kindness. She doesn’t force, but shares through her words and actions.

She also attracts the best people. The energy she puts out is beautiful, so beautiful people are drawn to her. Because of that, our little friend twosome has grown to a foursome. We are each working for our own goals, we each have dreams and aspirations, we each have desires to be our most bad ass self. We encourage and support each other. We can show our vulnerability and fears. We can give and receive honest feedback. They are the best cheerleaders, and I try to be the same for them. This pack of strong and beautiful women is a force to be reckoned with. When we get together it feels almost magical, and to have found each other in our 30’s is a unicorn.

If you can find a friend like the ones I described, hold onto it. Having a soulmate friend or 3 is one of the greatest gifts that I could ever ask for. They are a gift to the world. I know I am not the only lucky one! Because they create a safe space for everyone to be themselves. They have taught me to love unconditionally. That is the best gift we can give to the world.

Learn from those that have that gift and talent, or have worked hard to mastered that. What we all want is to be loved without condition. The golden rule will always apply. Treat others, the way you want to be treated. If you want to have a good friend, be a good friend. If you want to be loved without judgement or conditions, you should love others without judgement or conditions.

I have been really really… blessed. I have had good friends my whole life. A couple friends from high school that I still have today. One from some of the darkest days of my life, and some who we met by happen stance and we fell in love right away. All of them are special to me. Friends are the family that you choose. Each of them has given me so much love at the times I’ve needed it the most. I wouldn’t be where I am today without friends. Thank you to all of those who have loved me without condition all these years! You are my sisters and I love you to the moon and back.